Sometimes children say the darndest things. Sometimes children are so much wiser than their tender age.
I began working at a local elementary school about two months ago. I mainly interact with 1st, 2nd, and 3rd graders. It's interesting to see what a seven-year old's world view is, what their concept of reality is. I have had many children ask: how old are you? are you married? do you have any kids?
The first two are easy. I don't mind sharing my age with seven and eight year olds - they have no concept of age and think 26 is old anyway. They are probably beginning to to place age and roles in boxes (ie -at 15 you are in high school, at 25 you are married with children). A good number of the children will respond, "My mom is 26, and she has thee kids." Good for her, kiddo, go for her... That's usually how I respond, too, "Well, that's cool."
About two weeks ago I had this same conversation with a first grader. And for some reason I just decided to tell her. I was interested to see how a seven year old would process the information. Here is how our conversation went:
"Ms. Wiggly, do you have a husband?"
"Yep."
"Do you have any kids?"
"... Well, I had a baby, but he died."
"Why?" (Duh, should have seen that coming..)
"Well, because he's waiting for me in heaven now."
"How big of a baby was he?"
"Just a tiny baby."
"That happened to my brother. My older brother died when he was just a tiny baby. He's waiting for me in heaven, too."
Gosh, it just made my day - my week - for several reasons.
1) She didn't cry.
2) She processed it well.
3) Something like this had happened to her family.
4) Most importantly, something like this had happened in her family before she was born and her parents made a conscious decision to tell their later daughter about her big brother.
5) She called him "my big brother." I love that she referred to him as a member of her family.
It was so refreshing to have told a student. Not that she remembered ten minutes later, but still. I had shared with a student and it hadn't backfired. If you'll recall, I have had some issues sharing about Noah with the wrong people in the past. She had not only taken it well, but had a story to share with me. It made me feel a little bit more normal, and it gave me hope. A tragedy had happened to her family, and while I do not know the details, her family (probably) grieved, still grieves, and continued to believe in having a family.
Because when it comes down to it, it's worth it: the terror of losing another child is worth it for the gain of having a child. Children are worth it.
Tuesday, March 8
Monday, February 28
HTIP
From January 2011 - from http://lostbutloved.blogspot.com
Not a day goes by that I don't find a reason to cry. (Though I don't cry every day [anymore].) I just seem to be much more sensitive to just everything - nothing in particular - just everything. Every sermon at church just seems to hit home more so that it used to.
Of course there are things that am obviously more sensitive to: new borns, babies, pregnant women, the baby aisles and sections at stores. It still hurts. And while it still hurts, while I'm still irrevocably sad about losing Noah, I've arrived at the point where I can look at those baby onesies and say, "Some day that will be me picking out onesies."
Yes, we've arrived at the point where we are actively trying to have another baby. We were probably ready about two or three months ago to start trying, but I refused to get pregnant in December because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle our new baby having the same time line as Noah - the same week for the 12 week ultrasound, the 18 week tests, the 20 week sonogram. It would be too hard for me, and seemed unfair to Noah: That was his time.
But being ready to be pregnant is so hard when you're not actually pregnant. I know we are blessed - so blessed - because we know that we can conceive naturally, that my body can handle being pregnant and a natural birth. However, we wanted to have already had a baby by now (which we have, just not with the outcome we had expected) - we wanted to be working on child #2 (which we still are, again, just not how we had expected). We were ready eighteen months ago to parents (which we are, though not in the way we had hoped), and so each month that ticks by is like an eternity.
What complicates matters even further is the Navy. I remember telling friends in college who looked at me cross-eyed when I'd answer, I don't know where he's moving, "Being married to [or in a relationship with] someone in the military is like being in a relation ship with three people: You, Him, and The Military." We can't have the control over things that many civilians have. As a result, we have about five months of "attempts" in the next year and a half.
Stressful.
The only thing to do is to take a deep breath and remember: His Timing is Perfect. HTIP.
Not a day goes by that I don't find a reason to cry. (Though I don't cry every day [anymore].) I just seem to be much more sensitive to just everything - nothing in particular - just everything. Every sermon at church just seems to hit home more so that it used to.
Of course there are things that am obviously more sensitive to: new borns, babies, pregnant women, the baby aisles and sections at stores. It still hurts. And while it still hurts, while I'm still irrevocably sad about losing Noah, I've arrived at the point where I can look at those baby onesies and say, "Some day that will be me picking out onesies."
Yes, we've arrived at the point where we are actively trying to have another baby. We were probably ready about two or three months ago to start trying, but I refused to get pregnant in December because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle our new baby having the same time line as Noah - the same week for the 12 week ultrasound, the 18 week tests, the 20 week sonogram. It would be too hard for me, and seemed unfair to Noah: That was his time.
But being ready to be pregnant is so hard when you're not actually pregnant. I know we are blessed - so blessed - because we know that we can conceive naturally, that my body can handle being pregnant and a natural birth. However, we wanted to have already had a baby by now (which we have, just not with the outcome we had expected) - we wanted to be working on child #2 (which we still are, again, just not how we had expected). We were ready eighteen months ago to parents (which we are, though not in the way we had hoped), and so each month that ticks by is like an eternity.
What complicates matters even further is the Navy. I remember telling friends in college who looked at me cross-eyed when I'd answer, I don't know where he's moving, "Being married to [or in a relationship with] someone in the military is like being in a relation ship with three people: You, Him, and The Military." We can't have the control over things that many civilians have. As a result, we have about five months of "attempts" in the next year and a half.
Stressful.
The only thing to do is to take a deep breath and remember: His Timing is Perfect. HTIP.
FYI: Going Private
Hello all - Just an FYI that this blog will be going private soon. The other blog will remain public. Please send me your email address if you are interested in still following us post-privacy. :)
Saturday, February 19
Life as we know it/going private
This blog will be private soon. If you'd like to continue following us post-privacy, please email me or leave a comment.
Life has just seemed to be real lately.
I got a job. Oiy, I know. After about two years of being on my own schedule I have a real legitimate commitment. I applied for a job because I'd been kind of thinking about looking in to getting one. I thought it would be good to brush up my resume, think about an interview, get an outfit lined up. Well 24 hours after submitting my resume, I got a call to come in for an interview two days later. A scramble to find an acceptable outfit ensued - which resulted in buying a new suit from Ann Taylor Loft. I even got the skirt that matches. Sweet. So I looked totally professional going in for the interview. I was anxious about the interview because I haven't done many. Of the four (I just counted) I have done, I have gotten three jobs. And that counts back from 2003. Nailed the interview, apparently, and got a call two hours later offering me the job.
So there. I'm gainfully employed.
At what you may ask.... Well. I am a non-grant funded Specialty Instructional Aide at Neutra Elementary School at NAS Lemoore. I teach kids to read, make sure they don't kill themselves at recess, and make sure they eat at least a few bites of their lunch. I am, essentially, a teacher, an enforcer, and a mother. All for $12 an hour.
I was initially a bit disappointed with the job. WHen I interviewed, the principal told me I'd only have 15-30 minutes of Yard Duty at most. Well... Not quite. Here's my schedule.
7:45 -8:00 Yard Duty before school
8:00-9:915 1st grade reading
9:15-9:30 1st grade recess
9:30-10:30 2nd grade reading
10:30-10:45 4th & 5th grade recess
10:45-11:00 Unpaid break
11:00-11:30 1st grade lunch aka the bane of my existence
11:30-11:45 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade recess
So there is a lot of recess and not so much instructional time. I'm kind of getting over it.
But I still don't like lunch. I feel that the principal has an unrealistic expectation for 100 first graders. "Whisper talking to only the friends around you,"... does he have children? Six year olds don't "whisper talk" to their parents in a one-on-one conversation.
Then there is the issue of "Entertainment" at lunch. He feels that a little 12 minute character-building movie keeps the quiet and teaches them. Meanwhile, I have to almost force-feed children who are so distracted by the movie that they forget to eat. And let's not forget, many of these kids will go home and play video games and watch television for hours. Why show them a movie for the 12 minutes they could be developing interpersonal skills?
Finally, they are in 1st grade, there are 100 of them, they are six years old - they will be loud. I feel that my time would be better spent encouraging them and having little discussions with them rather than constantly telling them to be quiet. All these kids want to do is share whatever is important to them with me - why should we squander that enthusiasm? Maybe I am the only adult that listens to them.
But the kids generally make it the day worth it. I had Jeffery come up to me on the playground and say, unprompted, "It would be my pleasure to show you my karate skills." He proceeded to fold his hands and bow to me and do some "roundhouse" kicks. Mainly like Po in Kung Fu Panda. Priceless. And Kylie, also unprompted, told me that she has to go to the doctor because she's six and hasn't lost any teeth yet. Becky got new glasses and loves them, and she looks so adorable in them. Then there are the ones that are constantly - constantly - getting in to trouble, but you know they're good at heart.
And all of this has happened while Dave's been gone. He managed to call me on the day of my interview and my first day of school. It was hard not having him here to calm my nerves reassure me and practice interview questions with. It was, and is, hard coming home and not having him to share my stories with. But I have survived so far and will continue to survive.
Dave's been gone for four weeks, plus an extra five days the week before he left. So five weeks really. I did go to San Diego last weekend to see him. He participated in the CAG9 Fly-over for the Centennial of Naval Aviation, which was the largest fly-over since the return of planes from WWII. Pretty cool stuff. And San Diego was Aaaaah-maaaa-ZING. I am 100% jealous of people who actually get stationed there. And 100% pissed at everyone from Tailhook '91 that resulted in the Navy being pulled out of Miramar/San Diego.
Life has just seemed to be real lately.
I got a job. Oiy, I know. After about two years of being on my own schedule I have a real legitimate commitment. I applied for a job because I'd been kind of thinking about looking in to getting one. I thought it would be good to brush up my resume, think about an interview, get an outfit lined up. Well 24 hours after submitting my resume, I got a call to come in for an interview two days later. A scramble to find an acceptable outfit ensued - which resulted in buying a new suit from Ann Taylor Loft. I even got the skirt that matches. Sweet. So I looked totally professional going in for the interview. I was anxious about the interview because I haven't done many. Of the four (I just counted) I have done, I have gotten three jobs. And that counts back from 2003. Nailed the interview, apparently, and got a call two hours later offering me the job.
So there. I'm gainfully employed.
At what you may ask.... Well. I am a non-grant funded Specialty Instructional Aide at Neutra Elementary School at NAS Lemoore. I teach kids to read, make sure they don't kill themselves at recess, and make sure they eat at least a few bites of their lunch. I am, essentially, a teacher, an enforcer, and a mother. All for $12 an hour.
I was initially a bit disappointed with the job. WHen I interviewed, the principal told me I'd only have 15-30 minutes of Yard Duty at most. Well... Not quite. Here's my schedule.
7:45 -8:00 Yard Duty before school
8:00-9:915 1st grade reading
9:15-9:30 1st grade recess
9:30-10:30 2nd grade reading
10:30-10:45 4th & 5th grade recess
10:45-11:00 Unpaid break
11:00-11:30 1st grade lunch aka the bane of my existence
11:30-11:45 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade recess
So there is a lot of recess and not so much instructional time. I'm kind of getting over it.
But I still don't like lunch. I feel that the principal has an unrealistic expectation for 100 first graders. "Whisper talking to only the friends around you,"... does he have children? Six year olds don't "whisper talk" to their parents in a one-on-one conversation.
Then there is the issue of "Entertainment" at lunch. He feels that a little 12 minute character-building movie keeps the quiet and teaches them. Meanwhile, I have to almost force-feed children who are so distracted by the movie that they forget to eat. And let's not forget, many of these kids will go home and play video games and watch television for hours. Why show them a movie for the 12 minutes they could be developing interpersonal skills?
Finally, they are in 1st grade, there are 100 of them, they are six years old - they will be loud. I feel that my time would be better spent encouraging them and having little discussions with them rather than constantly telling them to be quiet. All these kids want to do is share whatever is important to them with me - why should we squander that enthusiasm? Maybe I am the only adult that listens to them.
But the kids generally make it the day worth it. I had Jeffery come up to me on the playground and say, unprompted, "It would be my pleasure to show you my karate skills." He proceeded to fold his hands and bow to me and do some "roundhouse" kicks. Mainly like Po in Kung Fu Panda. Priceless. And Kylie, also unprompted, told me that she has to go to the doctor because she's six and hasn't lost any teeth yet. Becky got new glasses and loves them, and she looks so adorable in them. Then there are the ones that are constantly - constantly - getting in to trouble, but you know they're good at heart.
And all of this has happened while Dave's been gone. He managed to call me on the day of my interview and my first day of school. It was hard not having him here to calm my nerves reassure me and practice interview questions with. It was, and is, hard coming home and not having him to share my stories with. But I have survived so far and will continue to survive.
Dave's been gone for four weeks, plus an extra five days the week before he left. So five weeks really. I did go to San Diego last weekend to see him. He participated in the CAG9 Fly-over for the Centennial of Naval Aviation, which was the largest fly-over since the return of planes from WWII. Pretty cool stuff. And San Diego was Aaaaah-maaaa-ZING. I am 100% jealous of people who actually get stationed there. And 100% pissed at everyone from Tailhook '91 that resulted in the Navy being pulled out of Miramar/San Diego.
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