From January 2011 - from http://lostbutloved.blogspot.com
Not a day goes by that I don't find a reason to cry. (Though I don't cry every day [anymore].) I just seem to be much more sensitive to just everything - nothing in particular - just everything. Every sermon at church just seems to hit home more so that it used to.
Of course there are things that am obviously more sensitive to: new borns, babies, pregnant women, the baby aisles and sections at stores. It still hurts. And while it still hurts, while I'm still irrevocably sad about losing Noah, I've arrived at the point where I can look at those baby onesies and say, "Some day that will be me picking out onesies."
Yes, we've arrived at the point where we are actively trying to have another baby. We were probably ready about two or three months ago to start trying, but I refused to get pregnant in December because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle our new baby having the same time line as Noah - the same week for the 12 week ultrasound, the 18 week tests, the 20 week sonogram. It would be too hard for me, and seemed unfair to Noah: That was his time.
But being ready to be pregnant is so hard when you're not actually pregnant. I know we are blessed - so blessed - because we know that we can conceive naturally, that my body can handle being pregnant and a natural birth. However, we wanted to have already had a baby by now (which we have, just not with the outcome we had expected) - we wanted to be working on child #2 (which we still are, again, just not how we had expected). We were ready eighteen months ago to parents (which we are, though not in the way we had hoped), and so each month that ticks by is like an eternity.
What complicates matters even further is the Navy. I remember telling friends in college who looked at me cross-eyed when I'd answer, I don't know where he's moving, "Being married to [or in a relationship with] someone in the military is like being in a relation ship with three people: You, Him, and The Military." We can't have the control over things that many civilians have. As a result, we have about five months of "attempts" in the next year and a half.
Stressful.
The only thing to do is to take a deep breath and remember: His Timing is Perfect. HTIP.
Monday, February 28
FYI: Going Private
Hello all - Just an FYI that this blog will be going private soon. The other blog will remain public. Please send me your email address if you are interested in still following us post-privacy. :)
Saturday, February 19
Life as we know it/going private
This blog will be private soon. If you'd like to continue following us post-privacy, please email me or leave a comment.
Life has just seemed to be real lately.
I got a job. Oiy, I know. After about two years of being on my own schedule I have a real legitimate commitment. I applied for a job because I'd been kind of thinking about looking in to getting one. I thought it would be good to brush up my resume, think about an interview, get an outfit lined up. Well 24 hours after submitting my resume, I got a call to come in for an interview two days later. A scramble to find an acceptable outfit ensued - which resulted in buying a new suit from Ann Taylor Loft. I even got the skirt that matches. Sweet. So I looked totally professional going in for the interview. I was anxious about the interview because I haven't done many. Of the four (I just counted) I have done, I have gotten three jobs. And that counts back from 2003. Nailed the interview, apparently, and got a call two hours later offering me the job.
So there. I'm gainfully employed.
At what you may ask.... Well. I am a non-grant funded Specialty Instructional Aide at Neutra Elementary School at NAS Lemoore. I teach kids to read, make sure they don't kill themselves at recess, and make sure they eat at least a few bites of their lunch. I am, essentially, a teacher, an enforcer, and a mother. All for $12 an hour.
I was initially a bit disappointed with the job. WHen I interviewed, the principal told me I'd only have 15-30 minutes of Yard Duty at most. Well... Not quite. Here's my schedule.
7:45 -8:00 Yard Duty before school
8:00-9:915 1st grade reading
9:15-9:30 1st grade recess
9:30-10:30 2nd grade reading
10:30-10:45 4th & 5th grade recess
10:45-11:00 Unpaid break
11:00-11:30 1st grade lunch aka the bane of my existence
11:30-11:45 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade recess
So there is a lot of recess and not so much instructional time. I'm kind of getting over it.
But I still don't like lunch. I feel that the principal has an unrealistic expectation for 100 first graders. "Whisper talking to only the friends around you,"... does he have children? Six year olds don't "whisper talk" to their parents in a one-on-one conversation.
Then there is the issue of "Entertainment" at lunch. He feels that a little 12 minute character-building movie keeps the quiet and teaches them. Meanwhile, I have to almost force-feed children who are so distracted by the movie that they forget to eat. And let's not forget, many of these kids will go home and play video games and watch television for hours. Why show them a movie for the 12 minutes they could be developing interpersonal skills?
Finally, they are in 1st grade, there are 100 of them, they are six years old - they will be loud. I feel that my time would be better spent encouraging them and having little discussions with them rather than constantly telling them to be quiet. All these kids want to do is share whatever is important to them with me - why should we squander that enthusiasm? Maybe I am the only adult that listens to them.
But the kids generally make it the day worth it. I had Jeffery come up to me on the playground and say, unprompted, "It would be my pleasure to show you my karate skills." He proceeded to fold his hands and bow to me and do some "roundhouse" kicks. Mainly like Po in Kung Fu Panda. Priceless. And Kylie, also unprompted, told me that she has to go to the doctor because she's six and hasn't lost any teeth yet. Becky got new glasses and loves them, and she looks so adorable in them. Then there are the ones that are constantly - constantly - getting in to trouble, but you know they're good at heart.
And all of this has happened while Dave's been gone. He managed to call me on the day of my interview and my first day of school. It was hard not having him here to calm my nerves reassure me and practice interview questions with. It was, and is, hard coming home and not having him to share my stories with. But I have survived so far and will continue to survive.
Dave's been gone for four weeks, plus an extra five days the week before he left. So five weeks really. I did go to San Diego last weekend to see him. He participated in the CAG9 Fly-over for the Centennial of Naval Aviation, which was the largest fly-over since the return of planes from WWII. Pretty cool stuff. And San Diego was Aaaaah-maaaa-ZING. I am 100% jealous of people who actually get stationed there. And 100% pissed at everyone from Tailhook '91 that resulted in the Navy being pulled out of Miramar/San Diego.
Life has just seemed to be real lately.
I got a job. Oiy, I know. After about two years of being on my own schedule I have a real legitimate commitment. I applied for a job because I'd been kind of thinking about looking in to getting one. I thought it would be good to brush up my resume, think about an interview, get an outfit lined up. Well 24 hours after submitting my resume, I got a call to come in for an interview two days later. A scramble to find an acceptable outfit ensued - which resulted in buying a new suit from Ann Taylor Loft. I even got the skirt that matches. Sweet. So I looked totally professional going in for the interview. I was anxious about the interview because I haven't done many. Of the four (I just counted) I have done, I have gotten three jobs. And that counts back from 2003. Nailed the interview, apparently, and got a call two hours later offering me the job.
So there. I'm gainfully employed.
At what you may ask.... Well. I am a non-grant funded Specialty Instructional Aide at Neutra Elementary School at NAS Lemoore. I teach kids to read, make sure they don't kill themselves at recess, and make sure they eat at least a few bites of their lunch. I am, essentially, a teacher, an enforcer, and a mother. All for $12 an hour.
I was initially a bit disappointed with the job. WHen I interviewed, the principal told me I'd only have 15-30 minutes of Yard Duty at most. Well... Not quite. Here's my schedule.
7:45 -8:00 Yard Duty before school
8:00-9:915 1st grade reading
9:15-9:30 1st grade recess
9:30-10:30 2nd grade reading
10:30-10:45 4th & 5th grade recess
10:45-11:00 Unpaid break
11:00-11:30 1st grade lunch aka the bane of my existence
11:30-11:45 1st, 2nd & 3rd grade recess
So there is a lot of recess and not so much instructional time. I'm kind of getting over it.
But I still don't like lunch. I feel that the principal has an unrealistic expectation for 100 first graders. "Whisper talking to only the friends around you,"... does he have children? Six year olds don't "whisper talk" to their parents in a one-on-one conversation.
Then there is the issue of "Entertainment" at lunch. He feels that a little 12 minute character-building movie keeps the quiet and teaches them. Meanwhile, I have to almost force-feed children who are so distracted by the movie that they forget to eat. And let's not forget, many of these kids will go home and play video games and watch television for hours. Why show them a movie for the 12 minutes they could be developing interpersonal skills?
Finally, they are in 1st grade, there are 100 of them, they are six years old - they will be loud. I feel that my time would be better spent encouraging them and having little discussions with them rather than constantly telling them to be quiet. All these kids want to do is share whatever is important to them with me - why should we squander that enthusiasm? Maybe I am the only adult that listens to them.
But the kids generally make it the day worth it. I had Jeffery come up to me on the playground and say, unprompted, "It would be my pleasure to show you my karate skills." He proceeded to fold his hands and bow to me and do some "roundhouse" kicks. Mainly like Po in Kung Fu Panda. Priceless. And Kylie, also unprompted, told me that she has to go to the doctor because she's six and hasn't lost any teeth yet. Becky got new glasses and loves them, and she looks so adorable in them. Then there are the ones that are constantly - constantly - getting in to trouble, but you know they're good at heart.
And all of this has happened while Dave's been gone. He managed to call me on the day of my interview and my first day of school. It was hard not having him here to calm my nerves reassure me and practice interview questions with. It was, and is, hard coming home and not having him to share my stories with. But I have survived so far and will continue to survive.
Dave's been gone for four weeks, plus an extra five days the week before he left. So five weeks really. I did go to San Diego last weekend to see him. He participated in the CAG9 Fly-over for the Centennial of Naval Aviation, which was the largest fly-over since the return of planes from WWII. Pretty cool stuff. And San Diego was Aaaaah-maaaa-ZING. I am 100% jealous of people who actually get stationed there. And 100% pissed at everyone from Tailhook '91 that resulted in the Navy being pulled out of Miramar/San Diego.
Friday, February 4
What's for Dinner
Roasted Kabocha squash with Kale. Roasted squash in balsamic vinegar, sauteed kale with garlic, topped with shallots. YUM. Should be in a restaurant. I could charge $15/plate....
1 sm kabocha squash
2 shallots minced
1 tsp oil/butter
3 tbsp balsamic vinegar
3 tbsp grapeseed oil (I used olive)
1 tsp salt
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 large bunch of kale, chopped (I left the leaves whole)
(1 small bunch of collard greens)
Preheat oven to 425. Cut squash in half and scoop out seeds. Cut squash into chunks, leaving the skin on. Mix the squash with balsamic vinegar, oil and salt. Roast for 30-40 minutes, stirring occasionally, or until the squash is soft when poked.
Meanwhile, saute the shallots in the butter/oil over low heat stirring regularly. (The goal is to caramelize the shallots and get them slightly crispy.) Remove, and place on paper towel to drain.
Remove squash from oven when tender and set aside. In a large pan over medium heat, saute the garlic for two minutes or until very fragrant.
Add the kale and collards in small batches, stirring constantly, until the kale and collards have started to wilt and turn bright green.
Add squash to kale, mix, serve topped with shallots. YUM!
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