Love is...

Love is forgiving and making amends.
Love isn't passive and always defends.
Love is so deep, honest and open.
Love isn't about listening, but hearing the unspoken.

Love is about faith, trust and loyalty.
Love isn't just about making memories, but finding your destiny.
Love is sincere, honest and true.
Love isn't about the old, but about creating something new.

Love is about feeling what others merely only dream.
Love isn't about being poorly glued - more like stitched at the seams.
Love is so special; when you get it, don't let it go.
Love isn't wondering what could've been, it's about what you already know.

Love is about second chances, forgiving what's been said and done.
Love isn't abut finding new, but realizing you already have the One.
Love is patient and always makess time.
Love isn't about what's been lost, but about what you'll find.

Love is about kindness and staying true to your heart.
Love isn't about being separated, but becoming stronger as you're apart.
Love is about not wanting to argue but always ready to fight.
Love isn't about what went wrong, but about what's right.

Love is about being fearless, fearing nobody and nothing.
Love isn't about wanting everything, but always cherishing that something.
Love is about always being there through the thick and thin.
Love isn't about saying good-bye but saying hello again and again.

Love is about keeping promises through the imperfection and flaws.
Love isn't about starting over, but picking up where you paused.
Love is about perseverance - supporting them through the good and bad.
Love isn't about changing dreams, but chasing the ones you had.

Love is about the simple things, and not sweating the tough.
Love isn't about what's on the outside because what's inside is enough.
Love is about taking chances and living what's real.
Love isn't about apologizing for what was said, just say what you feel.

Love is rejoicing in the good, becoming stronger in the worst.
Love isn't self-healing but seeking help from His word.
Love is believing in God and the love He gives.
Love isn't about imagining - your love is to be lived.

-- Emilie Lauren Mankey
                  July 25, 2010

Camping and Hiking

Dave and I decided to finally put that tent he bought for me in 2008 to good use. Last weekend we went camping in Sequoia National Park at Atwell Mill. While we had a rocky start to getting out the door (returning home three times after leaving to retrieve various important items) by the time we got on the road it was a straight shot: 198E, take a right on to a windy mountain road and keep straight on till morning. We arrived around 6pm and had plenty of campsites to choose from (they are all first-come-first-serve).


We were able to unpack and get the tent set up, a fire going, before it was dark. A Good thing too- it's very very dark out there.  All of our food and "smelly" things such as tooth paste, deoderant, charcoal, and hot dogs - had to be kept in bear-proof boxes - steal containers with a bear-proof handle.

Dave turning hot dogs over the fire.

Dave was very proud of himself - and I was, too - for starting the fire without anything but matches - no starter-logs or anything! As you can see, it was roaring. We didn't feel the chill of the night at all until we'd retired to the tent to play Banana-grams. I was petrified the entire night of bears. I would make Dave check things out outside routinely (sorry, hun). I know what squirrels sound like and that was NOT a squirrel outside the tent. The next morning, as Dave is re-lighting the fire for a breakfast of eggs and coffee, a Park Ranger pulled up to our campsite to write down our receipt number. She informed us that a bear lives on the ridge just above where we camped. And I mean, JUST ABOVE.

The bear lives and walks right up there! On the upper left. Awesome. No wonder I couldn't sleep.

So my fears were legitimate. We told the Ranger we thought we heard him last night and she said, "Well, then that was a deer you heard. If it were a bear, you wouldn't have heard a thing. For as large as they are, they don't make a sound walking about." Again, I'm terrified.

As we were finishing breakfast, some of Dave's squadron-mates pulled up to our campsite. They knew that we were camping, and were on their way to go hiking, decided to drop by (it's on the way) and see if we wanted to come. The hike, TJ describes, is "a moderate 6 mile hike, shouldn't be too easy, but not overly hard." So Dave and I agree. 

Dave at the beginning of the trail.

The Valley. See that far peak in the distance? That's our destination. (Dave and I didn't know that at the time.)

Look! A  picture of Dave and me!

A meadow closer to the top of the mountain.

The view from the top - we are level with most of those peaks. 

The reason we hiked up hill for three miles - crystal clear, all-natural, melted snow lake.

We finally made it!

On the way down, we saw an adolescent black bear. He was 10 feet away from us, munching on some berries.
This only reinforces my fear of bears. 

We had a great time camping and hiking. Hiking- way more difficult than we thought. We thought we'd be walking around, not necessarily up to the top of a mountain. Worth it, though, and we'd do it again. And we discovered that I have a fear of bears.... And caterpillars.

What's for Dinner: Grilled Pizzas

Well, again, this dinner was a while a go, but was delicious none the less. From the magazine found at grocery check out lines around the country, Every Day Food's grilled pizza recipe was yummy. (I bought the magazine because it had a delicious picture of Smores, which made me want them and hence the purchase.)

Typos

I love finding typos or grammatical mistakes. And it's not too difficult, if you just keep a watchful eye. I found one at the doctor's office last week. I suppose I find it gratifying. Here's one I found this morning one World Market.com .

Disclaimer: Just because I enjoy finding typos doesn't mean I never make them!

Money for Trisomy 18

You've probably heard of the Pepsi Refresh campaign, donating $1.3 million to different causes. Where the money is donated is up to us: each cause must be voted in to the top ten.

I'm supporting a cause created by a mom in Kentucky whose child was diagnosed with Trisomy 13. As a result, they were unable to find a doctor willing to help them. This story hit close to home for me, not only because of the Trisomy 13 - which similar to Trisomy 18 and Trisomy 21 (Downs Syndrome) - but because we also had a difficult time finding a doctor that would not only support our decision to carry, but also support us in finding surgeons who would operate. We were told that no doctor would operate on Noah because of his Trisomy.

No parent should not have that option. With $50,000, this grant would create an online referral system that would help parents find supportive doctors. Well worth the 2 minutes it take to sign up and vote. You can vote up to three times each day.

Hurry, voting closes on August 31.

Learn more: $50K: Care for children with Trisomy 13 and 18

Vote: Using the widget on the Right, or through the link above.

Scary Movies

Dave and I were talking last night about scary movies. I used to love scary movies. When I was in grade school, my friend, Stephanie, and I watched all six of the "Children of the Corn" thrillers. Of course, they were late 80s or early 90s scary movies - can't really be compared to the gore of modern scary movies.  My parents even went to see Blair Witch Project to see if I could see it. I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre on opening night in college. And now I won't even watch the previews.  So what changed? I used to love having the pants scared off me.  Here's my theory.

Up through college life was very care free, I still had my parents to fall back on if I needed them. My biggest fear was getting a low GPA and failing a final. Post-college I got married and had something to lose. Moving away from my family, having my husband deploy, living in a completely foreign culture: all of this was much scarier than Children of the Corn or Blair Witch.

Life's a lot scarier when it's real. I don't need to be a thrill seeker or an adrenaline junkie and watch scary movies to get a buzz. Real life is much, much scarier than whatever Hollywood can make.

Horror films over-do the blood, guts, and gore to make it scary - to prove a point. But emotional films do the same thing. Think about any movie that makes you cry. Like the Notebook. Both the Notebook and Texas Chainsaw over-embellish to evoke emotion. They just evoke different types of emotion. I can't watch super emotional movies any more either. It used to be that my roommates and I would watch Legends of the Fall once a semester, to get the emotional catharsis that accompanies the viewing. Now I don't need to watch movies to feel something because once again life has proven to be much more emotionally draining than I could have anticipated in my care-free college days.

Baggage

I've thought what I'd want my return-to-the-blog post to be about. But the truth is, I can't organize my thoughts enough to create something that's worthy of remembering Noah, not yet.

So instead I"m just jumping back in with my latest news: I've deactivated my facebook account.

{{gasp}}

I know, I know. It's kind of a big deal. There were several factors going into this. In December and March, when we found and announced we were pregnant, we didn't put it on facebook. In April, when we found out about Noah's condition, we didn't put that on facebook either. And I'm not about to put Noah's death on facebook either. The recent months have made me consider how much I share, and more importantly, to whom I'm sharing with. So that's reason one - Not everyone need to know about my life, my real life. Second reason, thinking back to what I would share on facebook, no one should care if I'm going to Fresno today, having coffee in the morning, or excited about some tv show. In light of everything that's happened to us, these just seem mundane. And my final and third reason for closing my facebook profile - information overload of people I am no longer connected with: seeing people's names come up with information about their lives then makes me carry around that knowledge.

    Baggage. I need to lose the baggage.

People I went to college with are especially special. I had good times with so many people and they were important at some part of my life, and now they aren't not because I stopped liking them or don't want to be friends with them but rather that our lives have taken us different directions. I'm keeping up with those people a) because facebook decides who comes up in my news feed and b) because of the relationship we no longer have.

This is kind of coming out wrong, I'm not exactly sure how to word it all. There are still many people I care about on facebook. I'm just going to move our relationship off of facebook. After all, we are friends in real life not just cyber life.

Relatedly, I can't watch everyone who got pregnant after or at the same time as me have their babies. Selfish, possibly, but protecting myself, yes.

So yes. It's gone. At least for now. It's kind of experimental. It is similar to me quitting coffee cold turkey. It's part of my morning routine and my killing-time routine. We'll see what happens.